You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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