We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
