so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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