Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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