I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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