Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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