It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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