why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
