Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
