the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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