i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
