he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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