Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
