she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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