You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
