I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
