Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
