Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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