you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
