It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize