A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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