He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
