I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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