I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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