you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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