Apparently you make a good broom.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
