these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
