people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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