i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
