What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
