remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
