Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
