you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
