Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
