i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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