ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
