I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
