So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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