I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
