I wish I only lived at night.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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