I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
it's like iHOP with fire
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
