there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
