If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize