Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
