He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
