You're so nebulous sometimes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
