mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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