I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
