no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
