Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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