Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
