This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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