Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
