Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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