"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
