Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So vagazzling was a success
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize