OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
