All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
