I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
