my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
