She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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