i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
