I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize