just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I want a musical about memes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
