just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
