so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So many bounce houses so little time
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
