it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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