mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
