I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
