"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
