In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
