I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
